Friday, December 20, 2013

My Santa List

ChAoS in MOtiOn
My Santa List

            Dear Santa, I know I am a little late with my list this year, but really, does that surprise you? This time of the year I am lucky if I remember to put on pants, so I’ m happy to find a moment in the chaos to get this off to you.  In no particular order, here is my wish list for this year:

1. Could I get 8 more hours per day?  I think that would be helpful. Ok, I would even be grateful for 6 if you could manage that. 
2.  Socks. I don’t mean running socks because I have oodles of those. I mean socks that adult women are supposed to have, and somehow I have managed to get to almost 40 with about 3 pairs. What is up with that? Preferably in colors that don’t stain when I step in the surprises my cats leaves me. 
3.  I would love a clean car. I don’t mean the outside; that is rather pointless this time of year. I’m talking about the inside. Currently the floor is covered with 3 shoes, 13 mittens (none of which match) wooden blocks, countless matchbox cars, half eaten suckers, quite a bit of white dog hair, several art masterpieces by my daughter, and only heaven knows what the 3rd row seat contains, because no one over the age of 9 has laid eyes on that territory in many months. 
4.  I would really really appreciate if the dog would stop using her feet, legs, hips and back as her personal chew toys, despite the half dozen rawhides and chewy toys laying around the house. Not only would I appreciate it, I do believe in the long run she would also appreciate it. 
5. Laundry prophylactics.  If this doesn’t exist I think your elves can invent it.  It really needs to stop reproducing.  It is getting a bit out of hands these days.  If it came with a bonus laundry elf that would be wonderful!
6.  For my 3 year old to show ANY interest in using the potty like a big boy.  If that isn’t feasible I would settle for him not removing his socks and shoes the moment we walk through Leever’s doors to grocery shop.
7.  Maybe once a month, that my children would approach me about 7:30pm and say, “Parents, we are exhausted. We are going to turn in for the evening. Good night. Love you!”  Now I know that may be crazy talk, but a girl can dream right? You are Santa after all!!
8.  While I appreciate her attempts to serenade me, I would really like if the kitten would not choose 4am as her time to play piano.  She also could use help with her chords, and her timing is a bit off. 
9.  In true Christmas spirit, I want for others too. Specifically I would like young women to realize leggings are not pants. Let me clarify: Leggings with a long tunic or sweater? Perfectly acceptable and stylish.  Leggings with a short sweatshirt or shirt? Nope. They are not pants. The only exceptions are if you are going to or from the gym, or are out running miles.  Jeans are pants, slacks are pants, corduroys are pants. Leggings are not pants. 
10.  What I want mostly though is that my friends and family know how much I love them and how grateful I feel for them.  In my mind there is time enough to create something special for each one of them, to show them how much they have meant to me this past year.  In reality, some may be end up getting a Groundhog Day gift…. That is why #1 would be greatly appreciated!

Friday, December 13, 2013

My Public Break Up

ChAoS in MOtiOn
My Public Break-Up

            As I sit here by the fire, gazing out my window to the vast blanket of frozen white that covers every recognizable surface, sipping on my third cup of coffee, I find myself thinking of you.  Fantasizing about you to be exact.  My mind returns to you and our times together despite the half decorated Christmas tree, the Christmas card that has yet to be created and the “to do” list that stretches to Pingree.  But I realize this behavior isn’t healthy, this longing and wishing is not productive, so as this year winds down to an end, it is probably time to end the farce that our relationship has become, and so here it goes:
            Dear Sleep,
I am sorry to tell you this, but it just isn't working. We have tried for over 9 years, really we have, but its just not working. Please, don't be sad or take it personally, it isn't you, it is me. I have met someone else, well, really three people.  These relationships are just too demanding and necessary for me to continue a relationship with you. Don't feel bad, you are beautiful, satisfying and so many people are blessed to know you. It just can't be with you and me. But believe me, I wish it could be. I will confess to you, that although I am in these other relationships, I daydream about getting in the car and driving to a hotel to meet you... to close the blinds and just be with you for hours and hours. But, it just can't be. I will never forget those Saturday mornings, just you and me.  The lazy afternoons on the couch, under a blanket when you embraced me and all was right with the world.  And how could I ever forget on the floating island, at the lake under the sun. Sleep, you did things to my body I haven't felt in so long... we were so good for each other. But recently, you have become as elusive as Sasquatch or good lutefisk… I hear of these things, but have yet to witness them. 
            And yet, there are times, I think maybe we can make it work. Maybe if I try hard enough, I can find a place for you in my life.  But then the stark reality of vomit, or the dog deciding to eat greasy paper-towels or “I need 2 dozen treats by tomorrow” spoken at 9pm hits me. Then like a ghostly apparition, you dissipate in front of me. 
But go, go and share your beauty with others.  Knowing you well, I suggest maybe you could be happy with a single person, or one without children… or a teenager.   My hope is maybe someday we will meet again. But until that day, I will catch glimpses of you around me, like your romanticized versions in mattress commercials.   I will remember all the wonderful times we shared and will be glad that I once knew you and called you mine.